Interests:woodworking, bass playing, star gazing, hiking, bike riding, snowboarding Expertise:mech tinkering Occupation:Clinical Research Associate Industry:Pharma
funny how certain topics seem to get a lot more recognition over the period of a couple days... i'm not sure why this came up yesterday during lunch, but the question was posed, "who is the meanest person at [our church]", which is ironic coming from a group of christians. we quickly narrowed down the list and isolated 2-3 people. and i was one of them!
shouldnt be surprised, concerning i do admit that i am a pretty mean person. you might be thinking, "well, wait. what does 'mean', mean?" it's exactly how it sounds. and i can "confirm" this when i analyze the thoughts i have. and my outward persona has nothing to do with niceness. of course it gives off a false perception that i perpetuate an amicable environment. honestly and unfortunately, yes, i admit that i am a mean person. i dunno why. is it because the stars fated me to be this way? no, dont be silly.
maybe being mean is a poor / pessimistic outlook on life. perhaps it's a myopic world view. or maybe it's just a defense mechanism. whatever it is, i dont feel like it's something that can be quickly willed to change, like it is for posture (like... otolithic disorders? i vaguely remember learning about that). all i know is that there are few and certain things that set me off easily (which i dont feel that should be the case). i wish these little storms would just never exist.
i wonder if that constitutes an "angry person." of course optimism doesnt have to be devoid of realism. i'm just saying, i could use an extra dose of friendliness in my thinking. i'm sure God fits in very keenly somehow in all of this.
what a great weekend! we had a good thanksgiving in saratoga with family (4 of 5 is good for now), friends on friday just hanging out and more food and fun (crawdad's in milpitas and boba loitering afterwards), monterey with alan / jt / grace / will (for alan's 30th bday), and church today. i have so much to write but i guess i'll just leave it for some other time if it does come up.
this week i'm going to st louis on wednesday again (man i have so much work to do) and a trackday at infineon on saturday. hopefully the forecast for rain will change just for saturday. but in other news... that means snow in tahoe! our yearly trip is going to be the last wknd of january. btw, lscc christmas party 12/12. great memories to come.
i was listening to the new relient k album today over and over after having heard marian's interview with matt thiessen. didnt know it was "inspired" (not the right choice of words of course) from his engagement break-off. apparently it was 4 years in the making and then breaking, as usual. dont get me wrong - i'm not jaded. just a bit pensive and life-reflecting. that sort of thing. i'm sure all of you get into those modes occasionally.
anyway, it really does give me more perspective into a lot of his really great songs like "must have done something right", "at least we've made it this far", "curl up and die", and so many more. wow - relient k is unequivocally my favorite band.
btw, started using chrome. i like it. and xanga started to mesh html and text editor together, like blogger. it's about time. it's also about time i stopped blogging right? so many people have stopped. maybe i'm just stuck. it's my lot in life...
i totally understand these words. >>
I listen to the sirens as they sing me back to sleep I pray that no one's seriously hurt It feels like everything is dying at the pivot point of me I listen to the sirens tell me things could still be worse
Cause if you close your eyes and listen close You can hear the chapter close And its all rebound in better clothes And you like the way this story goes Cause the sun still burns the shadows out And there's nothing to complain about now
Cause if this was our destiny I'd treasure the fact And I'd give you whats left of me if I'd held back
But I don't need a soul No I don't need a soul to hold Without you I'm still whole You and life remain beautiful
Departing from the hospital Ill news shows on your face too well You're trying not to cough at all it hurts All options are exhausted all your numbered days are numbered small I miss you now I loved you And I know things could still be worse
wow. i did very little work today (well, technically yesterday - monday). i just watched videos and read other things during that time. yes, it's really terrible and i should really stop doing that. i think the laziness has something to do with the holidays. it's really easy to blame-shift. i should stop that as well.
today as i was reading about motorcycle racers, i thought to myself that these guys are the cream of the crop. they're really the best at what they do - either regionally, nationally, or in the world. they not only grew up into it, have the background and dedication, and the love, but they have natural god-given talent in it. they sincerely eat, sleep, breathe motorcycle racing. the fruits of their labor are very apparent and they've gone quite far in what they do. and that's fine. but how about someone like me? or you? we might seem very middle-of-the-road, ok at what we do but not terribly awesome at one particular thing or another. in fact, our normalcy (is that a word?) seems to resonate and blend in with the background noise of the crowds that maybe our faults are the ones that tend to stand out the most. every one of us seems to have just the regular everyday dose of messed-up X, small accomplishment Y, and hope for Z. but nothing spectacular to boast about. however, as im slowly learning, this has nothing to do with our effectiveness as christians in this world. pastor james reminded me in a message (some time last week) that we should not buy into the deception that in order for us to be functionally sane in this day & age, we have to make a name for ourselves, even as christians. but it's really the wrong perspective. the day-in-day-out and regular lives is where it counts. it's where the regular people all reside. my shortcomings and mistakes in life have been defeats in another time, but God showed them to me to be victories since they're in Him. does that make sense? then that's where my place in the everyday-life fits in and my effectiveness becomes a reality. i dont need to be a world-class [blank] in the area of [blank].
tonight paul, jess and i went climbing at PG. drew joined us for a little bit. i got my belay cert there after a quick test (thanks paul for the cheater points yesterday at church!) and belayed a bit. i did a few climbs that blew out my fingers (and not muscles - definitely an interesting change). we went bouldering a bit afterwards and did a few V3's. i climbed until i couldnt hold on to some decent holds (borderline jugs). wow i'm going to be sore later today. wow it's 1am! gotta go to sleep. dropping the car back off at the mech shop after work. hopefully it'll all be fixed by wednesday. but since i wont be driving to monterey on saturday anymore, it'd be ok.
infineon in 1.5 weeks!
edit 11:02 am: wasting more time. i will be 1 billion seconds old at 12:16pm and 40 sec on dec 2, 2010. and in other things, i made a gif of justin being creepy and he made one of me when i was showing paul some bouldering moves and made me look like a dancing mime. we're such nerds.
